Listen
by hashtagartistlife
Summary: The only time she has ever felt she could be a proper mother to Ichika was when Ichigo was around. Canon-compliant [Ichiruki].


**Written for a tumblr prompt + pairing meme. The prompt was "Don't listen to them. Don't you EVER listen to them." Not technically adultery, but it's 686 compliant and Ichiruki. You have been warned.**

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 **Listen**

by _hashtagartistlife_

A helpful cadet had alerted her to the commotion, but by the time Rukia gets out to the site of the scuffle, she finds it's been all but sorted out. Several shinigami-in-training in academy uniforms, most of them with some form of bruise or graze visible on their skin, stand around looking shamefaced; a small ring of spectators begin dispersing (helped along by the Captain's haori on her shoulders), and Ichika is there, looking a little rough around the edges but no worse for wear. Rukia's eyes slide over the cadets, to her daughter, to the man leaning over her daughter talking to her in low tones, and finally settles on his hair— bright orange. She shooes the remaining spectators away and hurries over to the two of them.

"But they said—" her daughter is saying, and Ichigo cuts her off firmly but gently.

"Don't listen to them. Don't you _ever_ listen to them," he tells her, voice fierce with protectiveness, and Rukia feels something in her chest _twist_ and ache. "You know they're just trying to get a rise out of you, Ichika, don't give them the satisfaction—"

"But they brought up _mom_ —" Ichika starts saying, before noticing her and cutting off; Ichigo looks over his shoulder and raises a hand in greeting.

"Rukia. Who told you?"

"Atsuko," she replies quietly, naming the cadet that had run to her the moment the fight had started. "Remind me to thank her later on."

"No need, I'll make sure to pass it on," Ichigo says, and Rukia nods. She turns to Ichika.

"What happened?"

Ichika looks at the ground and shakes her head, clearly unwilling to tell her. This isn't new behaviour from her daughter, but the rejection never stops hurting. Rukia bites back a sharp reprimand. "Ichika, sweetheart. I'm not trying to scold you. As your mother, I'd like to know what happened to you."

Her daughter shakes her head again, and Rukia closes her eyes in defeat. It was always this way with her daughter. She could never get through to her. Not the way Renji could; and even Renji couldn't ever quite make Ichika open up to _her._ The only person that ever made her feel like she could be an adequate mother to Ichika was—

"Ichika." Ichigo kneels in the grass beside her, so that he's eye-to-eye with her daughter. "It's ok to tell your mom about these things. It's not your fault. She won't think any less of your for it."

"That's not it," Ichika says, plaintive, looking at Ichigo. "They— they said—"

"Tell your mother," Ichigo says, gentle, "she'll want to know."

Ichika swallows, before turning those violet eyes up to Rukia. Ichigo gestures at her, and Rukia crouches down to a level with him, taking Ichika's hands in hers.

"They— they said— that because you're adopted into the Kuchiki family, you're not _real_ Kuchiki, and— and they said that's why _I'm_ not Kuchiki as well. They— they said— mama, are you _ashamed_ of me?" Ichika bursts into tears then, and reaches out for her mother; taken aback, it takes Rukia a little while to enfold her in her embrace. Her daughter hadn't reached out to her in years— not since she'd been very, very little.

"Darling, _no—_ whatever made you think that—"

"I— is that why I'm not Kuchiki, mama? I— I'm sorry for fighting again when you told me not to, you— you'll be disappointed with me again, mama, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to—"

"Ichika—"

Rukia's at a complete loss for what to do; she looks frantically at Ichigo over Ichika's head as she pats her daughter on the back. Ichigo shakes his head fractionally, and Rukia smothers an urge to hit him; but that's being unfair. Ichika isn't _his_ daughter. She bites her lip and turns back to Ichika. "Sweetheart— Ichika, darling, listen to me. I could never, ever be ashamed of you— don't listen to what anyone else has to say, you hear? _I'm_ your mother and I'm telling you, you are the best thing that's ever happened to me—"

She doesn't know if what she's saying is even believable, but eventually, Ichika calms down; Rukia sends her back to classes and she goes with a tremulous smile.

Rukia straightens up tiredly, and notices Ichigo has been there the whole time.

"Thank you," she tells him, and the phrase holds volumes. "What are you doing here?"

"Guest teaching a sword sparring class," he says quietly. That explains why he was at the Academy. "Saw Ichika beating up some noble clan boys on my way out, much bigger and older than her. Figured I should help."

"You didn't beat them up for her, did you?" Rukia asks in sudden horror; Ichigo looks down at her, inordinately offended.

"No! What the hell, Rukia? I broke them up and sent them to the Fourth, after giving them a talking to. None of them managed to get a single blow on Ichika, though." A note of what is almost pride creeps into his voice, and there it is again, that twist and ache in her chest. Rukia looks away.

"Of course. I— I'm sorry. It was just the way you phrased it…"

He's silent a short while before he mumbles something, and Rukia has to ask him to repeat it. "I'm sorry?"

He clears his throat. "Wanted to, though," he mutters, voice dark. "Help her beat 'em up. For daring to lay hands on her. For talking about her that way." He looks at her. "For talking about you that way."

She inhales a sharp breath. "Ichigo…"

"Rukia—" he starts saying, before he catches himself; there was no-one around them now, but they were still on Academy grounds, where students had precious little diversions during the day but prying and gossip. He changes tack. "I— I should go."

 _Stay._ "Yes, you should," she says, and turns in the direction of the Sixth Division barracks. "Orihime and Kazui are probably waiting for you."

Orihime and Kazui, who are his family; not she and Ichika. She chants their names like a mantra as she walks away, leaving Ichigo far behind her. Ichigo belonged to them, not her. Ichigo was Kazui's father, not Ichika's.

But some days, she can't help but wish things were otherwise.

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 **A note, to try to explain what I was attempting with this fic: honestly, even writing this note feels like a cop-out :'D I'm of the opinion that if your fic is trying to do something and you need to append an explanation to it, it means you've kinda failed, y'know? But anyway. I try to explore a new facet or make a new point about Ichigo and Rukia's relationship with every new fic and drabble I write about them, and this one isn't an exception. I actually don't mind the 686 kids; given my penchant for post-686 fic, I like using them as what they are. A convenient plot device that adds extra layers (usually of the angst flavour) to the Ichiruki dynamic. With this fic, I wanted to try to express some of my post-686 headcanons to do with how Ichigo and Rukia engage with their kids.**

 **Honestly? In my head, Ichigo is a natural father - how can he not be, with what we see of him and Nel? How can he not be, with his own dad the way he is (off his rocker 6 days out of 7) and with two younger sisters to look after? - but Rukia is far from a natural mother. This was my headcanon even BEFORE 686 happened, but 686 just reinforced it like 10000 times. I feel like Rukia would feel inadequate as a mother, that she thinks she doesn't know how to BE a mother. After all, what role models has she had in her life? She was abandoned in the Rukongai as a baby, and it's not like when Byakuya adopted her she finally had a loving, functional family. She's never really had a mother figure (and yes, I know Fade to Black shows her as a gr9 mother figure but…. FTB ain't technically canon), and given how insecure Rukia tends to be about herself… I feel like she would have NO IDEA how to cope with a kid, unless given immense amounts of support. (We're going to see hints of this insecurity come through in my IR comic Strawberry Peach Parfait, too!)**

 **Now bear in mind that this does not at all translate to me thinking Rukia would be a terrible mother; she wouldn't. Over my dead fucking body. I do, however, think that how Rukia ends up as a parent would depend a lot on her partner. Obviously, if she'd ended up with Ichigo, I feel like the fact that he's such a natural father would have helped her immensely. And it's so easy for them to fall into a perfect partnership, so she'd settle into motherhood just as easily as he settles into fatherhood.**

 **Renji, on the other hand…. honestly, I don't think he's COMPLETELY TERRIBLE for Rukia, I'm quite alright with Renruki, but if we bring Rukia's crippling insecurity back into play (a thing which he canonically couldn't help her with) and throw a baby into the mix….. well.**

 **Look, I don't think Renji is a bad father. I think Renji adores Ichika. I think Renji is a good father for Ichika, but in a completely different way to Ichigo. I feel like…. Renji's the kind of dad who's just, like, completely 100% at the level of the kid, and is the kid's friend more than the kid's dad, y'know? Not that Ichigo isn't great at connecting with the kids at their level, it's just…. argh. Renji's parenting is more like, literally just approaching the kid as a new friend, and Rukia can't really model her own parenting off it because? She can't connect with the kid like he can? Renji's parenting is literally just a one-on-one between him and the kid so Rukia has no space to join in, to follow and copy and learn from him. And I hc that Rukia gets a bit of postnatal depression straight after having Ichika, and Renji…canonically can't get through to her. So, I think Rukia ends up feeling super isolated while Renji and Ichika are sort of, off in their own little world.**

 **Part of it has to do with how SIMILAR (at least, in my hc's) Ichika is to Rukia. Now, Renji gets along gr9 with Rukia, so he has zero problems getting along with Ichika. Ichigo also gets along gr9 with Rukia, so he has zero problems getting along with Ichika. Rukia… canonically did not get along gr9 with herself. :'D Add this to the fact that, in my mind, Rukia sort of… struggled with postnatal depression for the first few months to years after having Ichika, by the time she feels ready to try and reconnect with the kid, they're just… too distant and Rukia's way too lost as to how to go about it. Of course, she loves the kid, she does, and she'd REALLY like to be a proper mother for her… she just thinks she doesn't know how.**

 **Ichika's a complete daddy's girl in my head. She and Renji are virtually inseparable, but it's her mother she looks up to, her mother she wants approval from. Her mother's a Captain, her mother's a Kuchiki, her mother's a veteran of the Winter War AND the Thousand Year Blood War, everybody in the Seireitei knows her mother. Her mother's so beautiful and strong. She's everything Ichika wants to be. But she also finds her mother difficult (because Rukia herself, despite wanting to be closer to her daughter, finds her daughter difficult), so Ichika and Rukia are sort of like… stuck in this permanent impasse of both wanting to be closer to each other and not being able to bridge that gap.**

 **Enter Ichigo, who's _always_ managed to bridge Rukia's gaps with people. When they're around Ichigo, it's _so easy_ for Rukia to interact with her daughter; when they're around Ichigo, Ichika feels like it's ok to not be perfect in every single way for her mother. Rukia only feels like she can be a proper mother to Ichika when she's with _Ichigo_ , and ofc, this also makes her feel terribly guilty.**

 **Where does Ichigo stand in all of this? Here's the thing: despite me thinking Ichigo would be a natural father, I don't think he quite hits it off with Kazui. Ichigo would be a natural father, yes, but he doesn't settle into a natural partnership with Orihime. And Orihime, whatever her other faults, I hc to be a FIERCELY DEVOTED mother. Orihime loves Kazui so much, takes care of Kazui so completely, that Ichigo feels kinda…. edged out. Unneeded, almost. Kazui's a complete mama's boy, completely like Orihime in demeanour, and while Ichigo's a good dad to Kazui, I feel like there's this sort of…. distance between the two. Kazui really looks up to his dad (like hero-worship, almost), and Ichigo… loves his son. He really does. It's just that, with Orihime doing such a great job at anticipating everything Kazui needs, does he really need to be there at all? He's probably just…. detracting from her parenting, isn't he?**

 **Ichika, though. Ichika's so wild and rambunctious enough to be three kids by herself, and whenever Ichigo's looking after Ichika he finally feels like he's actually doing something relevant for the kid. Ichika pesters him for sword techniques and fighting tips and Ichigo…. may or may not love her as much as (if not more– but he pushes this thought down) his own son. (Because really, how could he NOT love someone that's part Rukia? It's hardwired into him to love everything Rukia, _everything_ – including her kids. Even if they're not with him.)**

 **So basically, that's how things stand currently. Ichigo and Rukia feel more like a family unit with each other and Ichika than they do with their families, for the convoluted reasons I listed above. Angst ensues.**


End file.
